They Call Me Mr. DiPasqua -- A transformational journey from a regular guy to the husband of a romance author.

Hi, folks. The guest scheduled today couldn’t be here. I asked my wife if I could step in. Her reaction was, “Ah, what are you going to blog about?” —Yes, she was initially worried.  But I guess I answered her question to her satisfaction, because here I am!

I’m delighted to be the first and only male guest at the Princess Blog Party.

When my wife and I were engaged to be married, we debated whether she should keep her maiden name, DiPasqua, or take on my last name.

I never expected the day would come when I’d be taking her last name….Well, kind of.

So imagine my surprise when the bookstore manager hollered, “Hey Mr. DiPasqua, where do you want me to set up the table for your wife’s book signing?”

“Who the hell is he talking to?” was my initial thought. “Oh, he’s looking at me.”

Note To Self (NTS): Your wife is now officially a published romance author, and you have just taken her last name. I’m seriously okay with this. In fact, I’m thrilled. I’m famous, in a secondary hanger on sort of way…I wonder if the paparazzi will get me in any pictures…Look my sleeve around my wife’s waist looks good. Maybe next time my shoulder or even my ear is in the photo.”

All kidding aside, I couldn’t be happier!

My journey started several years ago when my wife first told me she wanted to be a romance author. I knew she was passionate about books and writing, so really it wasn’t a big surprise.

Early on I learned that this writing business was going to be tough to keep straight in my head. I’m a pretty linear thinker, and this romance stuff was taking so many twists and turns, it was like being on one of those spinning rides at the amusement park.

So, with my wife’s debut novel on the shelves—and yes, I read every word of AWAKENED BY A KISS, offered my male point of view and loved every sensual passionate story in it—-and her second, THE PRINCESS IN HIS BED about to be released, I’ve made a list of the things I’ve learned to help other husbands of romance authors and future romance authors along. (Guys, in all honesty, you’ve just got to try a romance novel. They’re great. I may be a bit bias in saying this, but try my wife’s books, because they are top shelf!)

Okay, so here are my Notes To Self (NTS)—Guys, are you ready?

NTS 1 –
When your wife is under deadline and you see your kids running around chasing something fluffy—and you know you don’t have pets—it’s time to step it up around the house and get those dust bunnies. Mr. Fluffy and friends have to go and it’s your job to see it done.

NTS 2 –

This sign is not a suggestion.

Also, it’s not okay to ask where all the toilet paper went.

NTS 3 –
Don’t ask, “How’s the writing going?” after she’s spent the past 7 days agonizing over the same 15 words. In fact, saying “Hi” is probably a bad idea under these circumstances.

NTS 4 –
“Will you read my love scene?” is not an invitation. It actually means, “Will you read my love scene?” …Nothing more.

NTS 5 –
If she asks, “What did you think about the heroine’s blah, blah, etc…” and you hear crickets echoing in your head, ask her if she’d like a Coke, Starbucks, foot rub… You want to be supportive and help by doing something that will compensate for the fact that you have no clue what she’s talking about.

NTS 6 –
Suggesting that she call the publisher to ask them to print the book in Comic Sans—yes, it’s my favorite font!—to improve readability is not considered a helpful suggestion.

NTS 7–
If she’s deep in thought sorting out plot details, do not distract her, no matter how much you want to tell her how proud you are, how very talented she is, or how much you love her… If you want to get her attention when she’s under deadline, you need to put it in writing on a blog/tweet/FB post/website/YouTube etc. Then and only then do you have a chance that a Google Alert picks it up and let’s her know.

I hope you enjoyed my list.

QUESTION: Any husband/boyfriend stories out there?  Guys need all the help we can get, so if there’s any “Notes to Self” you want your husband/boyfriend/partner to note when you’re working, relaxing, doing something you love, please share. Or you can simply leave a meaningful comment.

One lucky random commenter will get a *signed* copy TALL DARK & FANGSOME and UNBRIDLED.

*shaking head; can’t believe I’ve posted this*  FYI…dearest readers, hubby did not take my last name. One time someone called him Mr. DiPasqua in a bookstore and he still talks about it. Silly man….but he’s definitely a keeper. :)

Thanks so much for joining in the PRINCESS BLOG PARTY, honey…er….Mr. DiPasqua. :)  He has generously opened up his giveaway WORLDWIDE.

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To win you must:

1. Answer Mr. DiPasqua’s question(s) below in your comment.

2. You MUST be a follower/subscriber of Lila DiPasqua’s blog (through Google Friend Connect).

3. You do NOT have to repeat any extra points you’ve earned if you’ve already stated them in prior posts for this blog party.  Only post NEW points as in new tweets/facebook comments about the Princess Blog Party.

* Winner will be announced on SUNDAY–selected from a random commenter on this post.

NOTE: The more you comment on the posts during the month-long PRINCESS October Blog Party, the more points you earn toward winning a signed copy of the next in the sexy Fiery Tales series, THE PRINCESS IN HIS BED…plus SIGNED copies of Nora Roberts’ BLACK HILLS and Eloisa James’ A DUKE OF HER OWN! You *must* be a follower/subscriber (through GFC) to this blog to be eligible to win!

Read a yummy EXCERPT of THE PRINCESS IN HIS BED HERE.

Ways to increase your odds of winning are found at the very bottom of this blog.

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  • I don’t have any boyfriend stories but that was a great post by your husband and I suggest all husbands and boyfriends follow his advice!

    GFC follower

  • Hi Mr. DiPasqua!
    That’s really cool that you took her last name… you don’t hear of many men considering it let alone actually doing it:) I loved your, “Notes To Self (NTS)—Guys” section in your blog post. I can’t think of anything else to add to it. Sounds like you’re very supportive and sometimes that’s all anyone can ask for.

    yadkny@hotmail.com

  • Hi Mr DiPasqua! I have to say your one of the firts men i have ever head taken their wifes last name thats seriously totally awesome deff get props and points for that

    some of those not eto selves made me laugh alittle and honestly I have a very very suportive better half who knows when i do something i focus and he knows that i tend to get side tracked

    only note to sel fi could come up with is

    Nts… dead lines andprojects doesnt mean she doenst love you just means shes busy and fun alonetime after will be triple teh reward

    ima follower and i think i posted all my extras in a post before

  • : ) Think with your brain. Love with your heart. Be observant. Be prepared. Be ready to offer chocolate, coffee and TLC at any time…BEFORE you are asked! It’s a tough world out there. Never forget how lucky you are to have a loving partner with whom you have created unique human beings–your children. Remember, in good times and bad, why you are there in the first place : )

    US Resident, GFC Follower, Subscriber

    gcwhiskas at aol dot com

  • I don’t have any advice for boyfriends or husbands, but I really enjoyed this blog entry.
    marlenebreakfield(at)yahoo(dot)com

  • Oh, I am sooooo sending the link to this post over to my hubby. I’m querying agents and he still thinks that it’s going to be easy to get one and once that’s done, finding a house for my book is in the bag. We’re currently working on reality testing. :D

    Nice to meet you Mr. DiPasqua. I’m glad to see you know what a treasure you have there in Lila. Good (read: smart) man!

    You don’t have to enter me in this giveaway (well, except for the entry for the grand prize. *wink*)

  • What Noelle said.

    My husband has great fun introducing me to his co-workers when we’re at a company function. “She’s a romance writer, and I’m her research assistant.” Then he grins. And the guys go “Ohhhhh.”

    He’s also good for “blocking out” fights and other physical situations. Sometimes I have to move physically to see how something works. And his business background and computer savvy helps with plots.

    Now, here comes the BLING! He had the figures on the cover of my first book made into a piece of jewelry! I know another multi-multi-pubbed author whose husband has given her a piece of crystal for each book.

    So, Mr. DiPasqua? What about you? What are you doing to celebrate Book1?

    Just asking.

    Otherwise, good for you!

    Cheers,
    Ann

    P.S. Don’t put me in the drawing.

  • Very funny post Mr. DiPasqua. My suggestion would be for husbands/boyfriends to never suggest that the house is messy, even in a joking manner. If you think the house is messy then clean it.

  • No husband/boyfriend stories here. That is neat you toke your wife’s last name. Very rare. It’s wonderful you are so supportive. I just found her as an author. I sure will have to pick on a book now.
    Sue B
    katsrus(at)gmail(dot)com

  • LOL…I’m loving your comments…And I totally agree with what you said, Maureen!

    Just to set the record straight—my husband did *not* take my last name. Once…one tiny little time someone in a bookstore called him Mr. DiPasqua, and he’s been going on about it ever since. Sheesh. LOL…but he’s still a keeper!

    He’s in meetings today but will be by later on. Keep the comments coming. (Though, this attention is putting a big giant grin on that handsome face of his).

  • Ha. Loved this. I don’t let my husband read my books, because he’d wonder how I knew certain stuff, LOL. The Internet is a font of information. ;)I’m considering letting him read my novella in Lords of Passion–it’s short, funny and shouldn’t shock him too much.

    He’s been great in the kitchen, cause I basically gave up cooking when I started to write seriously. So I would advise any author’s husband to get acquainted with a spatula or collect take-out menus. Expect your wife to shut the door for three days and only come out of the writing room to find a Coke Zero, a cold one which you have remembered to buy at the grocery store because you do most of the shopping now. Above all, don’t try to talk about real people near deadlines, because she’s only thinking of fake ones and reality is such a bummer.

  • Love your sense of humor, Mr. DiPasqua. You’re definitely a keeper. And definitely an expert on romance authors and the do’s and don’t’s. The when to speak to the tiger and when not too.

    Great blog, Lila. More hubbys should be like yours. Hugs…

  • It is so cool to see the MAN’s perpective, and I have to say, Mr. Dipasqua, you should consider being a writer yourself! lol, your post cracked me up!

    I love to see how supportive of Lila you are, its obvious by some of the WRITER JARGON that you used, google alerts, fonts, lol

    AND you’re right the fuzzies have to go!!!!!!!!

    Thanks so much for sharing your experiance! Because behind every great woman is the man who loves her!!!

    Thorougly enjoyed it!!!

    Andrea :O)

  • This is my favorite post of the week so far. Definitely going up on Shout-Outs. Your husband rocks.

    I would say that my dh/bf story is more like an additional NTS.

    “Sometimes, ‘will you read my love scene’ IS an invitation…” ;-)

  • Great blog post! I would add the following to the list of suggestions: If the washing and ironing is piling up, do it yourself, take it to the nearest drycleaners, or adopt the nudist lifestyle for however long it takes for her to meet her deadline. ;-)

    I’m not a blog subscriber eligible for the contest, but I wanted to comment because having a supportive husband like yours, Lila, (and like mine) can make the difference between being published or not.

    Best wishes on your upcoming release!
    — Marcia James ;-)

    PS: Comic Sans is my favorite font, too!

  • this post was a riot! well done!

    my fiance has finally learned to not talk to me when i’m in a bookstore because i’m concentrating on reading blurbs and shelves…so he just grabs a puzzle book and a coffee and occasionally asks how i’m doing. only took him several years! lol

    +1 gfc follower
    +3 fb fan
    +3 i’m in the yahoo group

    k_sunshine1977 at yahoo dot com

  • Sweetest Post!
    AWWW!! Really insightful. We always wonder about the lives of the writer and all the adjusting for a debut author. What about the hubbies? Great that Mr.DiPasqua is so supportive. He should start a club for all the other Husbands of female romance authors.

  • “Will you read my love scene?” is not an invitation. It actually means, “Will you read my love scene?” …Nothing more.

    Has to be my favorite!!! So wonderful to have a supportive man!!

  • LOVED hearing your husband’s side of the story! Read it to Mr. Marvelle who laughed a couple of times. He agreed with everything Mr. DiPasqua stated and added, “I am officially concerned that Mr. DisPasqua has set a standard some of us can’t meet.” Smirk.

  • Hi Mr. DiPasqua, this is definitely print worthy for hubs to read. Awesome post!!

  • I loved hearing your side of the sotry of what it’s like being married to a published Author. All men should be as suportive as you :P

  • LOL! This is so awesome. I have to share this with my DH. Thanks!

  • I love this post! My husband is also very supportive, but I didn’t let him read my books until I was out of the country. I feared he would laugh at the wrong parts & I wouldn’t be able to forgive him.

    I’m forwarding your post to my husband, b/c I know he’ll relate. BTW, I have photos on my website where all you see of him is his sleeve or his hand. ;)

    Margaret Mallory

  • LOL! Hilarious! I enjoyed your post so much, Mr. DiPasqua. I’ll be sure to let my husband read it for your great tips.

  • Best post! Mr. DiPasqua is giving Mr. Milan (Courtney) competition! I’m not a writer but my DH is assigned to purchase romance novels for me at the bookstores and also check them out at the library! He doesn’t feel weird about it anymore and in fact, enjoys all the teasing.

  • Great post, Mr. DiPasqua. :)

    I especially loved the don’t ask how the writing is going one. While it seems like an innocuous question that shows interest, I hate being asked that question by non-writers.

  • Great post! Yes to having chocolate on hand at all times! (unless the writer in question doesn’t like chocolate, then maybe a neck/shoulder rub?)

    ironss[at]gmail.com
    retweeted today’s contest +2
    and etc.

  • Anonymous

    This is a great post, I must get my husband to read it…hehe!!!

    Your hubby is definately a keeper, bless him.

    All joking aside, my hubby is also a keeper and he has to put up with a lot of my little quirks. I am still trying to get him to read a romance book.

    Valerie
    in Germany

  • I am SO excited to see you here Ca…Um…I mean..Mr. DiPasqua (last time I said Hi Mr. DiPasqua I was talking to the real one – Lila’s dad!) LOL! This was, and I mean no disrepect to all the other talented writers, the BEST post of the party so far. And, NTMD (note to Mr. DiPasqua) Comic Sans is MY favourite font too!!

  • Wow, I loved this blog post. So funny!!! Loved hearing Mr. DiPasqua’s take on everything. It has to be a great feeling knowing he is so supporting and has such a good humor about everything.

  • Hi Lila and ‘Mr. diPasqua’!! Loved this post! Definitely one of the funniest. And excellent advice. You should start a blog for Husbands of Romance Writers – I’m so forwarding this to my husband. He’ll get a huge kick out of this advice.:) Carolyn

  • I liked the NTS post; it was great.

    Here’s one my father should have used (he retired before my mother)…

    NTS – Don’t do the housework while the wife is at work; she’s just going to redo it, anyway!

    Thanks,
    Tracey D
    booklover0226 at gmail dot com

  • I do not have any boyfriend or husband stories.

    Thanks for the giveaway.

    smccar1 at hotmail dot com

  • Victoria

    I’m thinking Mr. DiPasqua needs his own blog for steering all writer’s husbands along the right path! lol
    Awesome post! You really are a keeper and a fast learner. <(*.*)> I liked #3, “Don’t ask, “How’s the writing going?”. The first time my dh asked why I hadn’t sent the manuscript out already– I think it became a two day rant from me. It’s one of the “we don’t discuss this” rules.
    So glad you posted!

  • I love your Notes to self, very insightful and thanks for making me smile.

    If I were to write one of these for my husband it would be

    1. try to get a handle on hubby’s impulse buys and break it to him gently when he brings you a new puppy two weeks after you just become a mom. No, he doesn’t understand why you just can’t get up to take the puppy potty when your already up feeding. Try to explain in child terms or spell it out

    2. Always check the toilet seat before sitting. If the toilet seat is down, still check it for wet spots. I have two son’s and a husband. I need to take stock in lysol wipes and toilet cleaner

    3. Expect phone messages 3 days later

    4. Hunting season really means “See you next month”

    5. Please, never ask your wife to help you unload your deer from the truck. That’s what neighbors are for

    I could go on, that was fun :), but I think I should stop before I get carried away. I could only imagine what my husbands would say about me

    1. If your wife does your laundry, expect to go to work in a stinky shirt because she often starts a load and then forgets it till two days later

    2. Do not, I repeat do not throw away a list that is left lying on the counter, it really was there for a reason, which one, I don’t know, neither does she

    3. No drink of your own is safe, expect it to be stolen

    4. always throw jeans in dryer before wearing. No one looks good in wrinkled jeans, and try to remind wife to take clothes out of dryer. She tends to forget just like she does with the washer
    LOL
    GFC follower
    +3 Facebook fan
    +3 twitter follower

  • I don’t have any funny stories to tell. I love how your so supportive of your wife’s work. I’m not sure if I could say the same my hubbie would be as supporting. I can only hope he would be! He jokingly teases me about my “smut” books! I just ignore him for the most part! I Loved your post today! Very cute and fun! Thanks for sharing with us!!!!

    evjochum@aol.com

    +3 FB fan

  • Hi Lila and Mr D.,
    An amazing view of the hubby’s take. I loved the:
    NTS “When your wife is under deadline and you see your kids running around chasing something fluffy—and you know you don’t have pets ” lol lol
    You have a very talented wife and I too loved Awakened By A Kiss. She’s now an auto buy for me.A great post and maybe you can do a joint blog together because this one rocked..
    Carol L.
    Lucky4750@aol.com

  • Mike

    NTS- A neglected Starbucks doesn’t equal an available Starbucks for me to sip. Apparently they resume the Starbucks when they continue with the writing. Weird creatures these romance writers–but we’re strong men and we love them.

  • What a fun, fun post. I actually laughed out loud several of times reading it.

    Boyfriend story: In high school, my boyfriend and I decided to watch a home ice hockey game (he was involved with football, and I played soccer, so it was one of those rare times where we could sit down and actually WATCH a sport). He was really getting into the game, cheering and shouting and whatnot, while I was standing next to him shivering my butt off. Boy, it was cold! I whined, “Dan, I don’t think I can feel my face anymore!” thinking he’d take a hint, but all he said was “Oh, yeah! I’m really cold too.” …..NTS: when a girl tells you she’s cold, offer to take her home or at least somewhere body temperature can be maintained. The least you can do is offer her your jacket or buy her Starbucks (!!).

    Stephanie
    2love.stephanie@gmail.com

  • Hi everyone! Wow! Thanks for the star treatment. I can’t believe all the comments and attention my NTS list garnered. I got a kick out of reading your comments. Don’t worry. My NTS list will be growing.

    I’m glad I have Comic Sans supporters in this group…I was getting lonely.

    Mike, nice to see another RH (Romance Husband)…Let’s start a club. Maybe we can convince Mr. Marvelle and the rest of the RHs to band together.

    Take care, everyone!

  • Great post, not Mr. DiPasqua. I shared your tips with my husband and after laughing a long time he suggested I also add the following three tips:

    1. When she says “this is the worst crap I’ve ever written” it is not an invitation for you to volunteer to read it and offer suggestions. The real message is: “Hold me, kiss me, and tell me you know I can do this.”

    2. When she says she is taking the day off from work to write, it does not mean you will be spending any time together AT ALL. In fact, it means you will see even less of her than on days when she works all day and comes home and writes. Just go to bed and hope she’s not still sitting at the computer when you get up in the morning.

    3. When she asks you to mail that envelope to the agent/editor it means today, ASAP. Not after the Post Office closes and definitely not the next day.

    This is Maggie again. I must admit I have the best DH ever. He loves to cook so always has dinner for me when I get home for work or on my writing days. He believes in me, and even the small stuff gets celebrated. He does also read my completed novels, but not until it’s ready to go out. He’s a freelance writer/editor so I value his opinion for the final, final–but we learned many years ago that his adding ideas and comments during the drafting process would lead to early divorce. :)

  • We need to get Mr. DiPasqua together with Leslie Kelly’s husband, Bruce, and my Gizmo Guy so they can share tips. Or have their own blog perhaps.

    I don’t normally like to pimp my own blog on someone else’s but Lila did ask about any one else’s husband stories, so you can find Gizmo Guy’s story here: http://leahbraemel.blogspot.com/2010/08/i-slept-with-leah-braemel.html

    (No need to enter me in the contest, Lila. I love to support my fellow TRW members (and their husbands!))

  • LOL, your hubby is adorable. Best advice: just stop and listen when she needs to be heard.

    jenma76 at hotmail dot com

  • Here are a few good NTS that my hubby should have read before getting a book thrown at his head:

    NTS: Don’t ask: “When’s the last time you got to the Gym?”

    NTS: After a weekend with the guys, leaving you alone with the kids, don’t ask: “How many words did you write while I was gone?”

    NTS: Don’t make comments like: “I’m going to publish a romance novel before you do.” Believe it or not, some writers are not motivated and inspired that way! ;o)

  • BRAVO MY BROTHER!! I am absolutely thrilled that we RH’s have started coming out. I love the blog post Mr. DiPasqua, you’re dead on.
    Leah told me about your post and I raced right over here. As she pointed out I’m married to Leslie Kelly/Parrish and I’ve thought for a long time that we have great advice to share. With you, Mike and Leah’s hubby I think you’re right, we do have the makings of a club. We must have a strategy session the next time we’re all at Nationals together.
    For what it’s worth I do have a Facebook page called “Secrets of a Romance Writer’s Husband” and it would be great if you guys would come by and jump in whenever you felt like it. We need to stick together and spread the word.
    Thanks!
    Bruce

  • Mr. DiPasqua is a keeper! Here’s a test: LIla, how would he react if you wanted to frame an 11 x 14 photo of yourself surrounded by hunky bare-chested Ellora’s Cavemen?

  • Loved the post. So funny! Anyway, I don’t have any boyfriend stories.

  • I keep forgetting to mention that I’m a newsletter subscriber #1 and GFC follower.
    Carol L.
    Lucky4750@aol.com

  • I’m a newsletter subscriber #2 and GFC follower.
    Carol L.
    Lucky4750@aol.com

  • I’m a newsletter subscriber #3 and GFC follower.
    Carol L.
    Lucky4750@aol.com

  • I’m totally late to this party but I loveeee this post and Mr. DiPasqua is a hoot!! I’ll have to share this with my hubby and he’ll have to apply those rules for when I’m writing my reviews, lol.

    ♥Isalys

  • I’m also quite late, just hopped over from Mr. Di Pasqua’s newer post, but was it worth it! :-D Mr. DiPasqua, maybe your poor children will curse my name, but I think you missed your vocation if you are not a writer yourself! Really enjoy your sarcastic, witty humour and looking forward to the long RHS interviews/blog party! :-D

  • I love your blogging Mr. Not DiPasqua! You really make me chuckle out loud. BTW, where is your wedding photograph? I would love to see it! Also, did you meet each other before Lila’s first book was published and how did you meet? You have excellent notes to self (NTS). I would add another one: just say “Yes, Dear” when Lila says something to you. That’s what my DH of 38 years says. Unfortunately after he says it, he does just what he wanted to do in the first place. Lol! Lila and I are blessed to have such wonderful husbands though seriously.

    I think I mentioned yesterday that I am a Facebook and Google follower of Lila’s, but can’t remember.

  • Tammy S.

    I loved your list, I think I will show it to my husband so he can remember these important details.

  • I wish I could get my husband to refrain from trying to talk to me when I am three or four pages from the end of a book. Never fails that he will interrupt the ending of any book I am voraciousley reading, still I love him! It does make me smile, at least after I am over the frustration of yet another book being interrupted.
    Love your post!

    GFC follower
    eyesofblueice(at)gmail(dot)com

  • OMG…I laughed through this entire post that I actually got my husbands attention.

    This post was a fantastic idea. I’ve just emailed my husband the link. Hopefully this will help him understand the charmed life we lead.

    ;-)

  • Isalys–Thanks so much for the compliment!

    Stella—LOL. Thanks so much! But I think I’ll leave the writing to my wife. Glad you enjoyed the post. See you at the party.

    Cathy P–The wedding pic and the answers to all your questions will be posted on the finale of the A MIDNIGHT DANCE BLOG PARTY on Aug. 19th. :) Thanks so much for the advice. LOL

    Tammy–Thank you! By all means, share away! :)

    Laynap—LOL We definitely lead a charmed life. ;) Thanks for sharing my post!

    Lexi–Thanks for sharing your story! I’ll be taking everything I’ve learned from all the interviews and comment from the A MIDNIGHT DANCE BLOG PARTY and expanding my NTS. Stay tuned! :)

    Mr. D